The Little Easter Duck

 On a visit to their house in the first year of my Son`s life I had a pack of photos with me,  I had not removed any photos from the pack to make them Mother proof yet and by accident there were a couple of my 1st Son`s grave in them, from his birthday when I would have a number flower wreath made. I have always taken a photo as a keepsake, its all I can do to remember him and mark the years. She pounced on the photo and held it up. My stomach flipped as I saw her give this sickly sweet, fake smile and announce with secretive delight...."OH...I`VE been to THAT grave I have !", in full Actress voice. She nodded and smiled across at my Father who looked uncomfortable. There was not an ounce of shame from her whatsoever given her appalling behaviour both during and after the funeral. In fact she was quite thrilled to let slip she had visited the grave with very much a `how about that, you didn`t know that did you Amanda` emphasise on her words. I felt almost sickened with the devilment of her attitude and utter lack of accountability. I took the photos back. I felt angry I had been careless and allowed her, albeit by mistake, to be able to encroach on something as private and sensitive as my 1st Son. I simply could not bear her referring to him on any level. I also had to acknowledge I had bought it about myself for getting back in touch with her. 

And so we come to the Easter duck story. Obviously she knew I went to the grave and at Easter she told me she had bought something to put on for him, could I take it when I went. I said OK, I was not comfortable with her being in any way involved but as she bought things for my other Son I felt I could hardly refuse. As it was, what she bought was quite adorable, it was a little yellow fluffy duck in wellington boots. I told her I would take it when I went with our things for Easter, which I did. The day we went it was very blustery. I had flowers for the pots, an Easter egg, some ornaments and a card. The trouble was the card was obviously blowing away, I had forgotten to bring anything to attach it with. I can`t quite remember how I did it but their was something on the little ducks outfit that I poked through the corner of the card and made it safe. I stood for a moment thinking of the words inside, ending with love From Mommy and Daddy.....it crossed my mind that it sounded as if we had bought the duck and not Grand Ma....I was always on the back foot in case she found something to trigger her temper. Then I thought, well if she wanted her name on it she would of attached a tag and I`m sure my little lad knows who the gift is from and did it really matter, all the things were on together safely and I decided I had to stop over thinking things and worrying. There was still an uneasiness though and I even thought to myself, she`s back on the scene and now I`m worrying when I visit the grave....is there nothing that she cannot taint from any distance ?

So I left it as it was. About a week later we were passing so naturally I stopped by. I had a shock. The duck and card were missing. Things had been stolen before, an ornament on occasion or a toy car. It was very upsetting the first time it happened, I could hardly bear to think there had been a thief picking over his things as he lay there alone. Odd though that nothing else was gone at all. When I next went around their house I told her...."Mom you won`t believe what someone has done....you know the little duck you bought for Easter to put on the grave?"......Silence.....She frowns, looking puzzled and innocent, she puts her hand to her face, trying to recall what I meant.....alarm bells start ringing....."The Duck you bought ?".. I prompt her....."Oh yes, you mean that one in the wellies?" she answers vaguely as if I`m asking her think back months ago...she`s up and on her way to the kitchen...a classic move when she`s trying to evade some uncovered dark deed...."Well someones stolen it".....pause...."Never, oh dear, fancy that happening" she says over her shoulder, still walking away.... And that was it, she didn`t come back in the room to face me and ask more and say how awful a thing it was, she just carried on being busy doing nothing in the kitchen. I let her think the subject had passed but when she finally came back I picked it up again. I told her they had taken our card as well and explained how and why I had had to tie it to her duck and said I knew it wouldn`t matter as I was hardly trying to make out the duck was from us....All I got was an odd...Oohhh...yesss....but I could tell she trying to hide something and when I finished she just changed the subject. She had guilt written all over her.
 Why she never told me she intended visiting the grave and did it in secret I don`t know but I am certain it was her who had gone there, saw the card attached and got in a temper because she bought the duck not us and took it back off, card as well. If it hadn`t been her, she surely she would of been enraged. She had no idea things were ever stolen from there so would it not have been pretty shocking, theft from a baby`s grave, her Grand Child, her gift. And her response so casual and so avoidant. Again I thought to myself, it`s your own fault, you came back for more of this when you should of known better.