Mother and Money

Mother loved money.
 It allowed her to be grandiose, controlling and it was great for eliciting guilt. 
She also liked a secret stash. Before an extravagant shopping trip she would flick a roll of notes at me and say "Look at all that lolly Mand"
We would have to put 2 or 3 smaller bags into one on the bus home so it wasn`t so obvious just how much she had bought, there would be a couple of things for me, to ensure my silence, a token item for my Father and the rest would be hers.

She loaned me some money once when I was struggling in a bed sit, kept a repayment list, written in many different pens and ink colours as each week I reduced the balance a little, then just when I thought it was almost paid off the list suddenly changed, written all in the same ink and the amount owing oddly increased. 

When we at last had a phone installed she was the main user and would call family members and talk about herself endlessly and then when the bill came she would be enraged at the cost, my Father, for once brave enough to challenge her, pointed out that she was the only one who ever really used it. Completely wrong footed just for once she was lost for a comeback. When I grew older and was courting a lad in the next county she would charge me £1 for every call, no matter how brief, I eventually realised how much she was robbing me when I rang him from a call box one time and put £1`s worth of change in and we spoke for about 40 mins. I tried wherever possible to walk up to the call box after that, far cheaper and without her listening as she would find a reason to open the living room door whenever I made a call {always usually kept shut to stop my fathers cigarette smoke from drifting in from the kitchen} and then she would leave the door slightly ajar not shut, so she could eavesdrop on every word I said, the TV volume blatantly going up and down before and after my call. Narc Mothers have NO boundaries. 

Due to various ailments, she got an allowance for years, each time she had to reapply she went to the Dr who `always gives me what I want`. This cash, despite not working since well before she married, gave her an `income`, money of her own. And it remained just that, HER money. It was just one of a wide range of topics they had blazing rows about. My Father turned his wage up and kept a small amount for petrol, spending and smoking. What was left paid the rent and food and the telly.



 No provision was made for the electric bill though or the TV license so when they arrived, or the car needed tax or insuring, even though she knew she was the one with plenty of funds put aside she would pester my Father knowing full well he didn`t have the money. I can clearly remember the phrase "Spouse I gorra bloody find it again then" being snarled at him time and time again. He would become very sheepish and should I get in trouble for anything he would get even angrier at me as if in an attempt to somehow repay her with his loyalty. 
What a twisted family dynamic it was.
 Once I had the nerve {plain stupidity} to suggest they put their money together, pay the bills, have a little to spend each and save the rest together for anything needed.....`wouldn`t that work out better Mom` I asked hopefully. There was a 3 second delay before she literally exploded.

After squandering much money at the Bingo, I was told to find work rather than stay on at school, so I could contribute.
 Her two brothers lived two bus stops away before they moved to the same village as my Aunt but Mother never bothered to visit them unless she had a sob story. They too knew what would ease her `depression` and often gave her quite large sums of money, to help with the bills, buy something for the house or to spoil herself with. I could understand this given the childhood they had had. She would come back with a spring in her step, cheered up no end.
I got wise to her manipulation with money and on many occasions refused her offer of help preferring to just wait and save, the refusal itself would wind her up as she then had no power.

Years down the line when living with the lad I would eventually marry we had an unexpected opportunity to buy a house but as we were not planning to just yet and it was out of the blue we had no deposit saved. I really did not want to ask them {her} but we just couldn`t do it without some help, the purchase would help a relative out of a tight spot and we in turn got a house we otherwise could not have afforded, still I did not want to ask. That meant that my fiance would be denied the house as well as myself and would leave the other couple still in a fix too.....other peoples fortune depended on me swallowing my pride and asking.
It was commented that she had not earned her stash herself anyway and we had a suspicion she had kept back some cash that should of been mine from an inheritance so eventually I felt worse about letting others down than I did about asking for help. So I asked and she said yes, I`ve not doubt she told anyone that would listen and she reminded me every chance she got for many years.

 Aahhh and...another thing I remember as I write.... After we had spoken to the bank about a mortgage, it just happened that my other half`s Mom called as we got back home and so he was on the phone with this parents for a while bringing them up to speed. Mother had been trying to call during this time and kept getting the engaged tone so when she at last got through she was raging and demanded to know why she wasn't called first as she was bank rolling us. I lost it and told her forget it, keep the money, the control had started already. She called the next day and while she couldn`t bring herself to apologise she did say she didn`t want us to lose the house and please would I accept it. More like she thought it was one rage too many and she may not only lose bragging rights she may have lost the control over us as well.