Heaven

I am a big believer in Heaven

I was diagnosed with a blood cancer 5 years ago. I was told though it was an incurable type it was slow growing and many people lived quite a while with it and it could be kept at bay with luck. I had treatment and, without tempting fate, `touch wood`, for the moment it is not making its presence felt.

When it was found it was quite advanced, with many smaller tumours and a fairly large one, so the first hurdle was to get me to respond to treatment, then things would look brighter.

Anyone having experience of a life threatening condition will ponder death and Heaven too if you are a believer. The thing that was a big worry to me was, what if I got there and she was waiting for me...my Mother. I would maybe think I was in Hell instead !

The thing is despite all the abusive behaviour, the damage she did to me with its life long effects and the hurt and anger I have slowly been awakened to and allowed myself to process...despite all of that I never wanted her to go to a place where she was punished. I ask forgiveness for my own sins so how can I then ask for her to suffer for her own. Heaven to me is a place where there is no suffering. 
I did worry I would come into contact with her there though, I did not want to experience that.
Here on earth she was a flawed soul, she did wicked things, I guess we all do, but her deeds were on another level, she choose to be wicked time and time again. But souls, I think, have many different facets and many different lives.

I imagined her going back in time to when she was just a little girl, before any damage had been inflicted, wanting to experience friendship, laughter, love, happy times and carefree play, when her little soul would soar with joy.
What if we could be children together there.

What if, in some wondrous place in Heaven we happened upon each other, both as children. We would smile and chat and play happily. Faintly aware of a connection joining our little souls together. Perhaps we would have tea parties and sweet treats to eat, made all the more delicious because neither of us would have any memory of ever having known hunger....for food or for love.

We would walk and explore, lay in a field of flowers and gaze at the clouds, hold hands and feel secure just in the mere presence of each other. And the Angels would smile at the healing of our little souls and sing with joy and we would dance about together...........

 Me and my Mom