Growing Up & Going Out

I found the transition from school to work easy. I wasn`t some indulged kid having a reality check now I was in the real world like a lot of school leavers my age. I found work easier than school. Easier than home too.

I liked to keep busy, the days passed quickly, I at last had a little money of my own which came with no strings and I could treat myself, there were no fights or bullies and I listened to music all day long ! Perfect !
I made a few friends and discovered that my dry sense of humour, which made life just bearable when I answered back in my head or made some witty observation to myself at the madness that surrounded me at home, translated well into my working and social life. Yes, I had the makings of a social life as well. 
I was surprised at first when people would burst out laughing at something I had said. `Oh God you are so funny !!`..was I ? I realised I could usually find a line when needed, I enjoyed being entertaining, I was trained as a people pleaser after all but it was more than that. I became more at ease in company and my sense of humour seemed to draw others to me, they seemed to like me and my confidence started to grow.

I got very interested in fashion and loved sorting through the new deliveries that arrived at the shop. I watched the window dressers closely to see how they put outfits together and helped on occasion. One time, when I was in the window adding some prices to a display, a girl from my class walked by and noticed me. She did a double take. There I was with a full face of make-up, a slightly improved hairstyle and my trendy shop uniform. I waved at her and smiled and she waved back slowly in disbelief, neither of us could believe that this was me. I was transformed ! We sold make up from a small stand so I made good use of the tester`s experimenting on my breaks. 

 I took a pride in my uniform, it changed every season, several outfits were chosen from different ranges and we all took a vote and the most popular one was ordered in so we all wore the same. I played around with styling my unruly curly hair and my confidence grew. In a few months I was unrecognisable from the awkward, shy, loner who had just left school. My mother watched me closely, asking could I do her eye shadow for Bingo and she may want to borrow a necklace or a belt from me. Older now, I recognised the first flicker of jealousy and spite and would quickly go into damage limitation, `Its the rule we all have to wear make up` Mom and `The Manageress checks us over before we open, we have to look smart.` That appeased her that I wasn`t getting too big for my boots and that I was just doing what I was told, add to that I would bring her a magazine home or an odd bargain I found in the sale, turned my board up every Friday night and it seemed I was managing to keep her fairly happy.  I left before she was up, got in at teatime, did a few chores and then went to my room because I was tired. Other than my day off when I was busy cleaning and washing, and when even then she liked to keep out of the way so I could get on with it, I didn`t really see much of her. It was great !! 

I had been going to a few discos with the church crowd, who also could not believe how I was starting to `blossom`. I loved dancing. I said Hello to a few faces from school and got more than one blank look as they struggled to remember who I was. I made a friend through work, she was a year or so older than me and had just started driving, we would set off in her little brown mini to go the pub and drink lemon and lime ! I saw my Mother watching from the window more than once as we drove off, giggling with excitement. I sensed something was brewing, it all seemed too good to be true.

My social circle grew wider and I always saw people I knew when out and about. I even sat in a pub and had a drink with Jackie Baker ! She said she had seen me in the shop and she loved what I was wearing ! How about that ! I went to more and more discos and got my first proper boyfriend and with him, work and pubs I was out nearly every night. I managed it by being very careful with my money, I shopped the sales, used my staff discount and would only have a couple of soft drinks when I was out. But my Mother was not happy. I began getting,`Christ what ya bought now` and `You ay going out again am ya` I was out more than her now and the fact I was 17 and she was 55 didn`t register. My board had regular slight increases making my spending money less but I managed. I was now off the training scheme and got lucky with a full time sales assistant job on the shoe department. I also discovered alcohol.

 I went from lemon and lime, to shandy, then babychams and snowballs to lager and black, snake bites and finally discovered a taste for Cherry B and cider, AKA as a leg over, me and a friend would order 2 bottles of Cherry B, 1/2 a cider and an extra glass, we would split the cider and then top each glass up with the Cherry B then there would be a slow walk home, giggling all the way.


I also discovered it was better not to mix too many drinks on one night when arriving home I was about to put my key in the lock and the oddest thing happened, as I reached out my hand the lock moved higher and higher up, away from my key and it wasn`t until I plopped down on the cold doorstep that I realised I was actually sliding down the door. How the hell I got in, shouted that I was back, locked up and made it up 2 lots of stairs to my bed without getting found out I`ll never know !! Ahhh Oh to be young ! So I turned 18 with a busy social life, money to spend, a boyfriend and a job I loved. My Mother hated it and it was becoming more and more obvious. 

My friend with the mini announced she had something to tell me. She wasn`t going to come into the house to wait for me when she picked me up for a night out anymore because while I was busy grabbing a coat and slipping my shoes on my Mother was busy running me down, I was told she was saying spiteful things about me and trying to manipulate my mate to agree, thankfully she was loyal and was having none of it. She spared me the details, she was clearly uncomfortable about it all, her own Mom was lovely. I wasn`t surprised, my lad didn`t like coming in either as she had tried the same with him and other friends. I would go in the room and she would stop speaking and say "Anyway...say no more" to whoever was there for me, with a sly smirk and nasty laugh. What she was telling me was We`ve just been running you down and I hope you feel bad about and it ruins your night out. "Have fun" she would call out in her Actress voice as we left.

I was growing up and growing out of her control. She didn`t like that. She was still able to get my Father to bully me on occasion but he was grateful for the money I bought in, admired my work ethic, could see I was still helping out a lot and so was harder to poison against me, the beatings had stopped other than an odd threat of a slap up the face and while she still had the energy for vitriol he was looking weary and defeated of late, he spoke less and smoked more.

I felt quite sorry for him so tried to make sure I found time for a chat, telling him silly stories of my exploits and making him laugh. I bought him little treats, Thorntons toffee and an occasional bar of Galaxy chocolate.
My Mother`s mood darkening all the time as she failed to spoil things for me. She needed to up her game. So she did.