Now she`s making My house Unhappy

Nothing much really changed for my Mother after my Fathers death, it just meant that she no longer had to find time to visit with him every week or so. I had not been in her Bungalow for quite a while and when I did, in days after he died, I was quite shocked. There was pretty much no trace of him. When he went in the home she must have cleansed the place of his presence and reclaimed it for herself. I was expecting to see a little something of his about still but no. It was as if he had never existed. We had her to stay with us for a few days over Christmas, I was happy to have her under the circumstances and she was relatively well behaved.

She reminisced about him with charming little tales of bygone days. I`m sure there was a grain of truth in there somewhere and the rest of the details were embellished and spun to depict years of being a happy, devoted couple. The tales were a stark contrast to the vicious rows I bore witness to growing up, when she took issue with endless, bitterly remembered episodes in their courtship and early marriage. No one reinvents the past better than a Narcissist. I called her every day, waiting til late morning/lunchtime when I knew she would be up. Sometimes there was no answer and I would call back repeatedly for hours until she finally picked up and would laughingly say she`d been to town or the hairdressers, telling me I worried too much. Of course I did, I had been trained to do so all my life, constantly reminded of her fragile mental health with her hysteria, meltdowns and the odd threat of suicide, naturally when the new widow didn`t answer her phone, what was I to think ? But the life of a Widow suited her.

She had one of my Fathers pensions, a state pension and more financial support due to her health issues, her rent and council tax were paid for and that left her a good amount to cover bills and entertainment with a nice nest egg in the bank. She liked to throw her money around and boast, she had someone in to do housework and ironing twice a week, me or the home help did her shopping and she generally enjoyed a comfortable, indulged life. The old Me Me Me sparkle returned. She gushed over the Grand Children for at least a minute or so on arriving at my house and then they were studiously ignored, other than an odd beaming smile. She told me all her latest high-lights and grievances while sitting in her favorite chair being waited on hand and foot, never lifting a finger to even take a cup back in the kitchen and she usually parted company with a `You look tired Amanda` or `Don`t you ever wear make-up now?`...Still not good enough then. When she had the energy we had an odd episode of disgraceful behaviour as mentioned in the Posts : Me Me Me, Mother Calling and She always wanted what was mine. She took it as her given right she should be asked over for high days and holidays. She particularly enjoyed a Sunday lunch, I`ll admit I do a very good Roast.

On one Sunday the house was busy, Husband was in and out and a couple of friends and a neighbour dropped by, the children up and down the stairs and in the garden playing and having fun, I was cooking and trained as I was I knew only too well she was hardly the centre of attention and I could feel my anxiety building in case she took issue with that. By way of acknowledgement I said, "Sorry Mom, its a bit of a mad house here today", I realise now I was really apologising for my family carrying on with their own lives in her presence, She screwed up her face unpleasantly and said begrudgingly, "Oh well....I suppose its worth coming if only for the food". Yeah....it would never be to spend time with the children and me I thought, just for a huge roast dinner and a nap. "Will ya turn that telly down Amanda" she would bark as she got herself comfy for a snooze.

I would be busy clearing up in the kitchen and the second I sat down to put my feet up she would open her eyes and say sweetly "Any chance of a cuppa tea Mand ?" She also did her old trick of whispering  little comments to my Husband when she caught him in a different room from me, she would then snigger and say "Anyway, say no more" in a conspiratorial way whilst smirking as I walked in on them, delighting in a little triangulation right under my nose. My daughter napping, I asked her to play with my Son one day, while I quickly caught up on wrapping a few Christmas presents, "Well, I`m sure I don`t know what to do with im" she grumbled putting her library book down. "I think ya better take me ome Amanda if you`re too busy" she says in her sad voice. 
 As the time went by and her age caught up with her, limiting her jaunts here and there. she became more sullen, grumbling a lot, wanting me more at her beck and call and dominating the house when she stayed over. Constantly passive aggressive and manipulative, full of petty jealousies and taking any opportunity to make me feel guilty at daring to have a life and a moment or two of happiness. I began to dread the phone ringing...what would it be this time...?