My Father was born in 1929. He had an older brother and sister with a 10 year gap before he came along. I was told by my Aunt, his sister, that during the years between, my Nan lost two babies, hence the wide gap in ages. My Aunt was a great source of insight and information when I was dealing with my Mother as an adult and processing many unanswered questions after her death. I will always be very grateful for that.
Although she lived a long way from me we kept in touch regularly in later years as she was always very concerned about her brother, my Father. Despite him being about 10 years younger than her he passed away years before her, a shadow of a man, the years of being married to my Mother having taken their toll.
So from what I have learnt from my Aunt he had a happy childhood. He was the baby of the family and my Nan doted on him. They survived the war and he grew to be a `lovely young lad` {my Aunts words} she said he was friendly with all and well liked. He did his national service, learned to drive in the Army and became a mechanic on leaving.
He began courting my Mother for a short time and they split. The story goes she came after him at his house and my Aunt not knowing it was over said yes he was in and went to get him. She said my Father wasn`t very happy she was there after him but had no choice to go to the door. She was a strong character and he was not. They ended up back together. In later years, when it was obvious the miserable life he was having with her, my Aunt greatly regretted not turning her away that day, I doubt she would of given up easily though even if she had.
Their courtship was rocky and after one split there were threats of suicide to ensnare my Father again. My Nan caught her having a full on rage at him in the road one time and she gave her a real dressing down over her behaviour. She never liked my Nan after that but hid it well with fake charm and made sure her poor treatment of my Father was clandestine from then on as she now knew he had someone in his corner who would speak up for him. My Mother was in hospital a few times, once with her nerves and even back then my Father pandered to her, and took her on endless days out to `cheer her up`
She was never keen on my Fathers family, for no good reason other than jealousy and the knowledge that they saw through her and were always protective of him.
Over the years he allowed her to distance them from him and too became jealous and petty as she convinced him they didn`t care for him and it was only her who was on his side.
Nothing could of been further from the truth.
He became the classic Enabling Father partnered with my Narcissistic Mother. The mild mannered young man faded away and was replaced with a short tempered coward who was nothing more than an extension of her, slowly taking on her opinions of people and situations, being brainwashed to think others were against him and it was the two of them against the world. He became bitter and at times cruel in his lack of empathy and complete devotion to her. He was wholly her creature. Smoking heavily to cope with the burden of her needs, he was discarded when he became so frail she needed to care for him and then wasted quickly away during 12 months in a home, finally seeing with fresh eyes exactly what she was.
My Father`s favourite rose ~ Blue Moon
He bitterly said towards the end....
"Shes even ended up with the new Dyson hoover I paid for,
I`d divorce her if I could be bothered with the paper work"
Despite her dreadful health all their lives and her fragility meaning she had to have help with almost everything, she amazingly coped fine when she had shipped him out.
Taxis to the Bingo and Marks & Spencer, a home help and me at the end of the phone if she fancied a temper tantrum.
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