I Gaslighted Her Back

So she had slowly wormed her way back in and now came to my house on occasion under the guise of seeing her Grand Son. She was full of all the things she took Father to cheer him up. She was terribly worried about him all the time. It was Dad this and Dad that, it was all false, the deep concern she constantly expressed with her sad face on was nothing like the way she was when he was at home, endlessly calling ambulances and moaning to everyone about him. For her it was so much easier to pretend to care for someone when you don`t actually have to. And then she got on to the subject of my visiting him. I must of been 7 months along by now, tired and a little anxious, trying to be the best Mom I could, look after the house, cope with her and worrying about my Father.

Full of guilt and worry about anything and everything, the last thing I needed was her trouble making. But the familiar mischievous smile flashed across her face as she side eyed me from her favorite armchair in my sitting room. "Yes...poor Dad, he gets so fed up you know, he loves to see me, he doesn`t, it bucks him up a bit, a bit of company you know....that care assistant was telling me she thinks he`s very lonely, you know the one with the bright red lipstick" I didn`t "Yes she was asking me about you....you know" I didn`t "She was quite funny actually, she said didn`t his daughter bother coming any more because its been ages since she saw you" For a moment I let my guard down and must of shown my shame in my expression, I didn`t need her to make me feel guilty, I worried about it often. And as she read my emotions her eyes flickered wider with delight for a second and she smirked right at me...it was a Jackie Baker moment all over again..."Now don`t you get worrying" she said in a false comforting yet patronising tone " I told her how you were fixed, you know" she nodded at my baby bump " I did. "I was quite sharp with her" she smiles a sickly smile, gloating at the Narcissistic supply she is milking from my reaction whilst at the same time spinning it as sticking up for me. 

 And then I had a moment of clarity. I had forgiven the pair of them time and time again for the most awful behaviour and cruel abuse. Why the hell should she now make me feel guilty with not a care for the upset it would cause me given my condition and my history just so she could have some fun digging at me. So without a moments thought I played her at her own game. "Oh wait...I know who you mean" I say animatedly, there`s a flash of surprise from her "Yes the one with the lipstick I remember now, oh yes she`s awful isn`t she, so sullen, you know she told me she never sees you either ! What a cheek !" As I reel it off the smirk literally slides from her face. Her eyes dart about trying to make sense of what I`ve just told her, "Did she?!"  she says quietly, desperately trying to pick up the thread of her own lies as they now seem to be reality. "You know, I can`t think who you mean now?" she sounds confused, trying to remember a nonexistent care worker who said neither the things she told me or the things I told her. She was completely wrong footed and sat frowning, mulling it all over. I think she realises one of us is lying but amusingly enough she`s now not sure just who. It entertains me briefly but its not a comfortable feeling, tricking her like that. I never did it again, it wasn`t me and I did not want to become like her but on that one occasion it served its purpose. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire !