The Nursing Home

 I knew nothing about my Father going into a Nursing Home until he rang and spoke to my Husband about it. He was now back in touch with them as they had locked themselves out on one occasion and I had to get him involved to save the day. It was either that or they end up at ours for the night so we considered it the worst of two evils. He was quite distressed and told the story of my Mother asking the rather loud and nosy next door neighbour round, who incidentally my Father disliked and mother alternated between not speaking to at all or telling her every family secret she could think of.

The neighbour was there to provide moral support for Mother whilst she broke the news she had made arrangements to have my Father shipped out as she just couldn`t cope with him any more. She had already viewed some places and he was to go and see the one she had earmarked. It was all done very secretively. Clearly she did not want me involved in any way. I could see that it was difficult for her, he was becoming incontinent and very unsteady on his feet, even if she had wanted to try they could not have ensured he was kept clean and safe from falling over. But it was handled so insensitively, she gave him no dignity in the decision after 50 years together. But he was of no use to her now so he was discarded, all his servile loyalty forgotten.

The irony was not lost on me that he rang me for support as she had treated him so poorly and he was to lose his home, I had been treated just the same and he had stood by and allowed it. At 73 he was a shadow of a man, hunched over, breathing difficulties and heart issues, you would of taken him for late 80`s if not 90, living under so much tension with her all these years had taken its toll. She on the other hand, the supposed invalid, was coping very well with her health issues and lived an active and full life. We were not at all close at this time after her trouble making about the hospital visits. She told me where he was going to live and I visited him there. He looked utterly broken and had nothing good to say about my Mother. He went there in November and I had them both over for Christmas lunch, he was in a wheel chair and could barely look at my Mother who steadfastly refused to be affected by his coolness and went into giddy Actress mode, chattering endlessly to fill the awkward silence. After that he lost the will to live and soon became bedridden. I was now pregnant for the 9th and last time. Well meaning people raised eyebrows after all the heartache, why couldn`t I just be grateful for the one I had and be satisfied, I was, truly I was but I really did not want my son to be an only child like me so we agreed to try for a final time. It was a difficult pregnancy for me but baby was doing fine, and baby was all that mattered ! It was a hot summer and I had morning sickness right up until I gave birth. I was tired and struggled with the heat and had my little lad to get to nursery each day and so I went a good few weeks without visiting my Father. Of late when I had gone he hardly spoke and just stared at the TV, it was sad to see him like that and I just didn`t have the heart or the energy to go often. And so she decided to have some sport with me over it.