Throughout this Blog so far I have referred to my parents as either Mother or Father.
It sounds very old fashioned and a tad pompous probably.
It wasn`t really a conscious decision.
Its just when I began to write calling them Mom and Dad didn`t really set the right tone.
Yes when they were alive I called them Mom and Dad but when they were mentioned in conversation we always said Your Mother or My Mother because it was always with bad feeling, resentment, disdain and dread. She was someone to be dealt with, managed, a constant problem and source of pain and unhappiness. Despite this I was so brain washed and controlled by her that I never found the strength to completely detach from her until the last year or so of her life. Until then we tried to keep a lid on her tantrums and attacks, ignoring, deflecting and appeasing her as needed.
Or trying to keep the peace as my Father called it.
Or trying to keep the peace as my Father called it.
Looking back now I only wish I had been aware of the Personality Disorder she made us suffer from so much earlier, my regret is I took it for so long, yes, I`m still suffering and dealing with the effects of her behaviour now, I probably always will be but I least she would not have had the never ending pleasure of finding new angles to attack me from and inflict more suffering. So yes she was my Mother {I`m almost sure of that} but Mom implies, warmth and nurture, protection and affection.....so no... Mother it is.
And as for Father, well after seeing things from a better perspective and not clinging to him as the only morsel of sanity in a dark world, with hindsight I can see he was to be found greatly wanting and was willingly her bully boy to ensure himself an easier life so he was hardly a `Dad` either.
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