He`s bought that on you

12 almost 13 I am at a disco, an evening wedding reception for a neighbour at a local hall and the lad I worshipped from afar was there. Me, in my isolated little world where I lived to catch a glimpse of him as he walked to the bus stop on his way to the Catholic school,

so close and yet so far. I could not take my eyes off him.
There seems to be a bit of a Frankie Valli theme here !!
 He was 13.

I was with a school friend and she said she liked him too. Towards the end of the evening I watched him walk our way, he was coming over to us, I waited for him to speak to my prettier friend, but he came up to me, wanna go out he says......I was struck dumb but my mate answered for me, Yeah she does, I came to and nodded yes, I`ll call for you tomorrow at 7, what numbers your house ? Seriously I thought my heart would beat out of my chest.

Our Song

We had a brief romance which lasted a few weeks, he was often late for our walks out or didn`t show up at all but I forgave him, hung on his every word and tried to be as entertaining as I could. 

I was always a doormat, no self worth.

My parents were in the midst of their Bingo mad phase at that time. I very daringly allowed him in the house a couple of times when they were out. It was all very innocent, we played records, he bragged about his brother being a DJ and I listened attentively, suitably impressed. He was late leaving one time though and they saw him walking out of our road as they came home and they put 2 and 2 together. Though `disgusted` I think my Mother was also delighted...here was proof I was a bad girl...another way to chip away at the fragile bond between my Father and I. 

When I was younger she had more energy and her rages were more physical, more vicious. I`ve seen her growling and holding a door with both hands to slam it again and again, 4 or 5 times, but now her rages were spent sooner, as she got older and maybe more bitter she was less physical but she went on and on and on, pushing my Father to loose his temper. And he had quite some temper, a lot of it was the stress of walking on eggshells around her and he would just snap. She rose late and napped in the afternoon so come bedtime she was wide awake. He was tired from work but she would start nagging and moaning, at times at him and it would develop into a row for an hour or so and sometimes she was on about me, she would not stop until she got him to get up, stomp into my room, fling the door open, snatch the light on and have a good go at me, jabbing his finger towards me. Only then would she be quite, only then could he sleep. This could happen as late as 2 in the morning. I would be listening to her droning voice through the wall, staring into the dark, tense and on edge waiting for the the landing light to go on...he was on his way.

You can imagine the fall out from my unapproved visitor. It went on for weeks, I was called every name under the sun, accused of just about everything possible. She was never going to let it be over, she was having too much fun. I also think she was jealous because she recognised I was growing up, getting attention from a lad, she knew I was on the cusp of being a young woman and all the fun it would bring, she in turn was into her 50`s, not old at all but her salad years were over and soon I would be slipping from her grasp.

I think they also knew leaving me alone so often at night was wrong too.

I had been listening to the drone of her voice getting louder and more insistent when I heard my Father start shouting, he was in my room before I had time to sit up, he lunged at the bed and hit me hard across the face, the blow forcing my head to spin from left to right into the pillow, his finger was in my face "HE`s bought this on YOU" he ranted, "Thats it Geoff, that`s it" my Mothers excited voice came from behind him, peering round to see the damage, her eyes blazing with delight. I was frozen in fear, bracing myself for another blow, my face burning, my head throbbing, choking on the sobs I was to afraid too let out. 

He threatened me again and stormed out. You`ve only got yourself to blame was her parting shot as she followed him, glowing with satisfaction. I soaked my pillow crying silently into the night. The lad had already lost interest in me, especially as they had been around to his house and had a word about the visits. They had spun a tale they were concerned and protective of me, in reality they were more concerned they would get in bother for leaving me alone for so long and so often at night.