On Parade

My Mother had a neighbour who she was fr-enemies with, as the saying goes. They were either thick as thieves and gossiping and not speaking and giving each other daggers.  It was the same neighbour who she enlisted to help her announce to my father he was to go into a home.

When they first moved there she had a go at telling her my Fathers faults, at the same time spinning it as if she was the long suffering, down trodden wife, the neighbour who we will call Ruby swallowed it at first. She collared me more than once expressing concern for my Mothers treatment both by my Father and me myself. I diplomatically suggested there was far more to it than anything my Mother had fed her. A year or so later, after many a falling out and my Mother blowing hot and cold on her a few times, she quietly told me she now understood the problem was my Mother. I wasn`t her biggest fan, she was a busybody, pushy and loud but when you got past that she had a good heart and helped Mother out despite her often having cut her dead for a month or two previously. 
 Ruby had a Grand Son who she doted on and she cooked and cared for him regularly, as I say, she had a good heart. Ruby also boasted about all she did for him and his family to my Mother, perhaps enjoying that it rubbed her up the wrong way as she could not trump her on that score. When my lad arrived she would often call Ruby to see him, glowing with pride as any Grand Mother would be, save the fact that her beaming smile dimmed somewhat when she had done boasting. She announced to me, when he was now a toddler, that she wanted to take him for a stroll up and down the road. Now I asked...."oh No, not now, I ain`t ad me air done". She decided my pushchair was too bulky for her to manoeuvre so we bought a smaller, more light weight one, which was handy to leave in the car as a spare. She was quite put out one visit when I told her it wasn`t in the boot that day as we had been taking some things to the tip. She was sullen all visit and I noticed she was dressed up with a full face of makeup and her hair done. 

So next time I called the front door swung open before I could ring the bell. Without even saying Hello or glancing at my lad she barked "Av ya remembered the pushchair". She is smartly dressed and looks like she is going out to dinner rather than a stroll with a little one in a buggy. I ask where she intends going and she says just up and down the road, she won`t be too long. She wants to go by herself so I stay with Father. Its not a long road and I`m expecting them back in 10 or 15 mins but after 45 mins there is still no sign of them. I`m worried now and am just about to go and look for them when she rings the bell. My lad has fallen asleep, not that she has noticed. She`s giddy with all the attention shes garnered. Rather than a stroll enjoying time with her Grand Son she has actually been knocking on all the neighbours doors to show them my lad and show her new outfit and hair do and play the doting Grand Mother and milk the charade for all it was worth. Anything Ruby can do she can do better !! No wonder she was so long, so long in fact the little lad fell asleep while she was chewing somebody`s ear off.

It wasn`t long before she wanted to take him for a stroll again except things did not quite go to plan second time around. She was back quite quickly with my lad wide awake, clearly not in the mood to conventionally take a nap this time. She is straight faced and tells me he`s been restless and before long she is suggesting I take him home as he`s tired. Naturally as he wouldn`t accommodate Grand ma`s plans he is to be dismissed.

The novelty of taking her Grand Son for a stroll wore off soon after.