I`ll leave you all my Money

When my Husband was still my boyfriend and we were renting a flat before we bought our house, my Father was taken into hospital after a particularly nasty chest infection. This left my Mother alone at home for probably the first time ever at the age of 63.

Early in our relationship and quite happy at this time as well as enjoying our first home together and all the fun that brings, my Mother had been quiet and watchful of late. Looking on as her daughter had a decent home for once and seemed happy and settled was not something that would gladden the heart of a Narcissistic Mother. We both worked at the same place and were happily doing overtime to buy things for our flat and naturally I was thrilled to be `nest feathering` and took a pride making it as comfortable as possible.
 Realising my Father was quite poorly she immediately began to play on her nerves, being agitated and fretful and worrying my Father with her endless `what if this happens`. She was never ever one to try and cope come what may to avoid burdening others. And so Father went into hospital. We went to visit him, took him what he needed and also visited her, making sure she had all she needed too. She did not visit him as she `wasn`t up to it`. She withdrew into herself and I struggled to get any sense out of her when I called, she was increasingly in her night clothes, did no household chores and was eating snack meals. I cleaned and cooked her something and became increasingly worried about her. I called her several times each day as well as calling in each evening after work, my boyfriend visiting my Father on occasion to help spread meeting our obligations as well as both working long days. 

Its hard to say how much of my Mothers mental health issues were real. I do believe the thought of being without my Father and having to be at home alone, other than my frequent visits, was a shock and she was maybe thinking ahead with dread that he would no longer be up to butler duties. But its a certainty she also would make out she was far worse to ensure my ready attendance in dancing to her every whim and added to that she got to keep me away from playing house in my lovely home which she was clearly jealous of. I was genuinely concerned though my other half was less convinced as she became more and more shut down. She began calling us at work, 4 or 5 times one day. When I assured her I would be over as soon as I could she threw a tantrum and said she needed us now, both of us for some reason I cannot remember now. Her parting shot was to say sharply "I`ll leave you all my money"....as if this wild bribe would make it fine for us both to abandon our jobs to be enslaved to her until my father was well again. Work was sympathetic and allowed us both to take a few of our holiday days to be at her beck and call. Not an ideal use of precious days off but at least we would still get paid though we would miss out on valuable overtime. My biggest fear was she may cut her wrists again. When I asked her some basic questions, like who was Queen, what month was it and the name of a soap character she loved, she was either unable to answer or chose not to so I decided to ask her Dr`s advice.

He told me she was on max medication and I got the impression he had a `here we go again` view of the situation. He did seem quite sympathetic to my concerns about her being on her own whilst I was at work though. He then said quite an odd but insightful thing. He said he would visit her and if she acted like she was detached and distressed he would most likely have her admitted to the local hospital psych ward and commented and I quote "When she gets in there and sees what it`s like and the condition of the other patients she will most likely realise shes not as bad as she thinks she is and I`m betting we will see a marked improvement pretty quickly". I rang off and thought long and hard about his statement. It seemed he was saying `let`s give her what she wants and see how she likes it`. Looking back I think he had the measure of my Mother.
 I then had the job of visiting my Father and telling him all this, at the same time trying not to distress and worry him too much. My main fear was that he would think I had shipped her out asap as I didn`t want to care for her, after all everything was usually my fault and I was bound to be accused of not doing enough, the other side of that being if I had left her at home and something dreadful had happened I would then be accused of not realising how in need of help she was. As ever I simply could not win. I explained the situation as gently as I could to him and he seemed to understand and agreed it was probably the best thing to do. 

I took her in and she brightened up considerably on getting attention from the staff, she seemed more then happy as I left her. I visited both of them regularly, telling my Father how my Mother was doing and my Mother telling me all about the excellent care and attention she was getting, for a while at least. There was then some issue over her indigestion meds and she was back to her old venomous self when I next visited, telling me how nasty a nurse was to her and had made her wait until the drugs trolley came around like everyone else had to. The novelty of being admitted had worn off and she was anxious to know when Father was going home as she wanted to see him and if she was there she could make sure he was alright !!!..... She really did beggar belief at times. This sudden change in her only served as evidence to my other half that it really was put on all along and there were a few heated words between us about wasted holidays and lost overtime money.
 Somehow she convinced the medical team that she was greatly improved and as my Father was coming home she just wanted them both to be together.....what a charming tale of mutual devotion she spun...and how far from the truth.  
 With them both back at home together I continued to visit and attend to their wants and needs for a week or so until I was quite abruptly told they could now manage quite well by themselves thank you. Not long after that I received a nasty call from my Father informing me that I could not wait to get my Mother in hospital and off my hands and how she had hated it there and had been longing for the day when he could go home and she would then be allowed to be discharged. It sounded as if she had spun him a tale of having to go in as no one would look after her {meaning me} . I tried to reason with him and defend myself but he knew he was on a mission and seeing my side of the story as not part of the brief. 
 I remember feeling such a fool and as if all my care, concern and worrying counted for nothing, not to mention the tension in my relationship it had caused. I was then quite ill myself with a horrible cold followed by a chest infection, which I went to work with and battled through as I dare not lose any more time or money.