My Endless Colds

As a child I had constant colds. That`s no exaggeration. They were awful colds, they lasted for at least 2 weeks, sometimes 3. I was quite thin, I remember my meals being very measured, I was often served different things than my parents, if it was steak for them it would be sausage for me. And quite often I had soup and toast instead of their meal. She rarely bought anything she could not eat herself as a Celiac in the way of treats and so there were few biscuits and cakes. If I was in trouble and had been sent to my room I sometimes missed tea and would be called down for a begrudged sandwich or at times missed a meal completely. She herself went without as a child and looking back she was quite controlling about food with me. I just had what I was given and if she asked had I had enough my response depended on her tone when asking. If it was asked in a warning way to prompt me to know she thought I should be satisfied then I would answer yes whether I was hungry or not. If she was on a high and too giddy and distracted to care what I was having then I could say no and maybe get something extra. Whether that had a bearing on my immune system who knows, it probably was a factor as was the constant state of alertness and tension, forever in flight or fight mode, as well as the long walk to school and back in all weathers, 2 hours a day and then often sitting in class with damp clothes. Some children harden up in those circumstances but others suffer internally and it takes its toll.

Whatever the reason I was very prone to heavy head colds. I would start with a raw, sore throat and then I would stream for a few days, it was like water dripping from a tap and repetitive sneezing which hurt my throat even more until I could barely speak. I would have a raging temperature and then I would have so much mucus I could not breath through either nostril for days, I would get so stuffed up and my sinuses so blocked that my eyes would half close and puff up, leaking thick discharge from the corners. And I usually threw up a fair bit because of all the crap I kept swallowing down.  Sounds delightful doesn`t it ! 

As I grew into an adult I don`t think I have ever known anyone to have colds as heavy and as frequent as mine were. Just as the hacking cough tailed away and I could at last breath easily I would feel the telltale soreness in my throat and it would begin all over again. I suffered with regular colds into my 20`s and 30`s, I would have one 2 out of 3 Christmases until I no longer looked forward to Christmas as I knew I would almost certainly be ill. I became known for it and it was a running joke, commented on with some sympathy I must add.

It`s now widely acknowledged that constant stress can cause physical illness. I do believe it to some extent though I really think its partly luck of the draw, after all some people never seem to get ill at all no matter what they have to cope with. Interesting though I was diagnosed with Lymphoma at 49, which effects the lymph glands which control the immune system. Anyhow this is not a pity party post, I`m giving the back story because my being ill as a child was a huge problem to my Narcissistic Mother.
 Now I have to note that she did have mild Asthma and when she caught a cold, which didn`t happen that often, it usually caused a chest infection and she would need antibiotics. So you can imagine the rage and resentment her endlessly ill child caused her. My illness meant she may catch it too and it also meant I was crossed off the chore list and worse still would need a degree of care myself.  I would try to hide my symptoms from her at first, knowing she would be mad. All her life if anyone sneezed near her she would snap "I hope you ain`t goin to give me the bloody Flu". So when I began sneezing she would eye me suspiciously and say "I ope to God you ain`t got another bloody cold", she would glower and send me to my room and tell me to stay out of the way.

My Father would be dispatched to assess my symptoms when he got back from work and as I got worse I would have to be kept off school. I had to remain in my room, sometimes for a week or more so as not to come in contact with her. I would hear her ranting to my Father about me deliberately getting soaked in the rain or not buttoning my coat, infrequent hand washing, any small thing she could use as proof I had caught this streaming cold through being thoughtless and putting her at risk.
The amount of hankies I needed was raged about and Father had the job of collecting them and washing them. I discovered though that when they were dripping wet with water from my nose at the beginning that I could dry them on my little radiator I was allowed to have on low, I was so pleased when I leaned this trick as I didn`t have to keep using the sopping wet ones.
I didn`t eat during the day in case I was sick at first and would wait for him to bring me a tray up with some soup and toast when he was back from work, if he was feeling sympathetic I may get some Lucozade too. I remember too that the toast was always dry and never buttered because she thought it would be too greasy for me while I was ill. She had some crazy ideas. 

In the second week Mother had the problem of not letting me starve all day against keeping me at arms length and so she would put me a sandwich on a tray, feed the tray through the banister as she stood half way up the stairs and then use a broom stick {not the one she flew on} to push the tray up to my door, she then called me to hop out of bed and collect it as she hurried away. If she did catch my cold she would take to her bed as soon as I was up and about and I would then be kept off school for longer because you`re not out of the woods yet which actually meant I had to now wait on her hand and foot and catch up on my missed chores.

She would bang on the floor with a stick and shout orders to bring cups of tea, scrambled eggs on toast and I would be sent to the library for more books even if it was pouring down, my getting deliberately soaked to the skin in the first place conveniently forgotten. I would clean the house and prepare the veg for my Father to do dinner when he returned. He was always brighter when it was just the two of us about downstairs and we would chat happily while we ate together though careful to be fairly quiet so she didn`t get the idea we were having fun. I actually loved her being up there while I played house and listened to the radio, it was enjoyable after 10 days in my room. I always took great care of my children when they were ill and was never out of a good selection of cold and cough medicines, I liked everything I felt they needed in stock and I particularly hated to see them poorly. I cannot imagine sending them to their room all day alone.